Being Led

So much has happened in the past few days that it's hard to know where to begin. When last I left you, I was about to tell my story at a speaker meeting for the first time, so I'll kick off from there.

When I got to the meeting, before I even got inside the door, I was met by my sponsor, her daughter and several friends of mine in the program.  A moment later, another friend came up to me and said she couldn't stay for the meeting, but could I give a woman she'd driven over there a ride home?  I asked who she was, and found out it was someone I knew to be new in the rooms and said yes.  Then my sponsor asked me if I knew the woman I was providing the ride for was drunk, and I said yes, because she was the woman I'd talked to on the phone earlier that day.  She'd been well on her way when I talked to her.

So, my sponsor took the drunk woman in tow, and we all went in to get settled before the meeting. I checked in with the chairperson, then went to the rest room.  I didn't particularly have to go, I just wanted a minute alone with my higher power so I could turn my part of the meeting over and let my words go to the one who needed them.

I don't remember a whole lot of what I said in the meeting. I do know that I didn't find it hard to say what I said, and I remember seeing a lot of nods and smiles and occasional laughter as I recounted my story. I think a lot of people who don't go to meetings think they must be rather serious, and sometimes they are, but more frequently, we laugh, because we are happy people, once we are sober.

After the meeting, I was thanked by some people I knew, and hugged, and then a woman I didn't know came up and introduced herself to me.  She said that she was currently in our local rehab and that I had just told her story.  This is always a good thing, because we need to identify into AA.  We need to know that we are just like other AAs, that we are not alone.  She then asked me to be her temporary sponsor, and I said yes.  She got my contact information, and then my attention returned to the woman I was supposed to take home.

Fortunately, all the way around,  my sponsor had been there to take care of her when I couldn't, and my husband was there to take care of me while I took care of her.  I got her home, kept her from taking meds she shouldn't while she was drunk, and got her into bed.  For the next couple of days, the focus was on her, until it became apparent that, at least right then, she wasn't ready to quit drinking.

The Big Book tells us that we shouldn't expend too much energy on people who aren't ready, because it takes our time and effort away from those we really could be helping.  In the meanwhile, I had a shiny new sponsee who needed my experience, strength and hope.

A sponsor's job is to take the sponsee through the 12 steps while emphasizing the spiritual nature of the program of recovery.  By the second exchange of emails with my sponsee, I learned that she was on the second step, so I've been reviewing that step.  For those unfamiliar, the second step is "We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves would restore us to sanity".

I had already told my sponsor that, in honor of my first year of sobriety, I wanted to go back through the 12 steps.  So, my higher power sent me a sponsee to do that with.  Nothing solidifies the steps better than having to explain them to someone else who is just starting them.  And just in case I needed further review and reminder, the subject of my Monday step meeting was, you guessed it, Step Two.

Today, I had my first meeting with my sponsee and I took her to a meeting.  We spent the time before and after talking.  What I tried to convey to her is simple, as are all great truths. I told her she didn't need to believe in God or a Higher Power, just understand that she was neither, and that what she really needed to believe was that the program of AA could work for her.

That's how I got my second step.  I knew something was wrong with me, I accepted that it was alcoholism and that I couldn't fix it.  I saw other people like me who had what I wanted and that they'd gotten it through the program.  Eventually, I came to believe it could work for me, too.  And I was on to Step Three.

There have been too many "coincidences" this week to enumerate them here, but I do know that I get clues to what is the next right thing to do, when I'm paying attention. All I have to do is ask for them and then be open to where the answer will come from.